Inner Garbage Magnet
Good Morning! Today we are discussing a topic sent in by one of our readers ❤️ Hopefully you are able to gain relative knowledge in this topic and different ways to maneuver similar situations, regardless of what side you are on.
So, what is a garbage magnet?
Have you ever had that friend or co-worker who seems to be an Olympian Complainer? They always seem to have something negative to say regardless of the topic or situation. Not to mention, it seems like when they start off on a rant they begin to reel others into their negative web of emotions. These individuals are also the same who seek out others to share their complaints with, yet when offered suggestions or even solutions to these problems, they immediately come up with an excuse for why that won’t work. These are what we refer to as garbage magnets. Garbage magnets tend to always have garbage spewing out of their mouths and magnetize those around them to join in on the conversation, resorting to the creation of a negative environment.
For this post we hope to provide insight into both sides of these scenarios to help better handle these situations!
Safe Haven
Perhaps, you are reading this and questioning whether or not you are the garbage magnet. Which then may pose the question of whether or not you are even in a safe enough environment to feel comfortable with sharing your complaints. If so, this section is for you.
The point of this post is not to eliminate complaints from your life, but to be more intentional with how you present this information as well as its frequency. Complaining, or communicating with others about things you are struggling with, is a part of human nature, it allows you to share your feelings and emotions in relevant ways. Therefore, it is not expected for anyone to eliminate this from their dialogue.
However, it’s important that we don’t resort to only complaining and disregarding the positives in our daily lives. We want to make sure we are being intentional in seeking out the good when we experience the bad (which is also a lot easier said than done, but nonetheless possible).
Maybe you’re an individual consistently discounting the different pieces of advice offered by those you share your complaints with? The key to this is, determining within your inner dialogue of whether or not you are simply venting, seeking out a solution or potentially bringing up an issue that you tend to “spiral” on a regular basis. This is also know as your why. Your why is going to determine whether or not it is appropriate to bring up in that moment.
Though you may not intentionally be trying to bring down a positive healthy environment, if you are continuing to follow the above pattern of constantly spewing garbage, this is exactly what is happening. When you know your why it’s easier to know and understand what you need from your audience. Therefore, we suggest starting the conversation by stating if you need help solving an issue, are open to suggestions, or simply are just trying to vent. Not only do you get what you need in these moments, but your audience is on the same page as you regarding results. Think of this as the healthy way of complaining.
However, if you find you are someone constantly complaining, it may be time to start truly focusing on the positives in life as the negatives appear to have taken hold of you far too often. A suggestion for this is quite simple. You may have even heard it before, for every negative complaint, complement it with TWO positives. This will forcefully cause you to look for the good in things, especially in your darkest moments. It may seem like quite the task at first, but over time it gets easier!
Now, remember this is the start of creating and implementing new habits and it’s just the beginning. Think about how long it took you to create the habit, it could very well take just as long if not longer to break it. Give yourself some grace and space to work through this!
Magnifying Audience
Perhaps you find yourself always being presented with dealing with a garbage magnet, and you feel as though you’re at a loss and don’t know what to do? Maybe you find yourself gravitating toward that individual and even begin joining in on their rant. If either are true, this section is for you.
It’s inevitable that some individuals are more negative than others, however it gets tricky when you’re always being sucked into these conversations, whether it be at work, family gatherings, or even in your close group of friends. You probably feel stuck, even though you can see what these conversations are doing to the overall environment you find yourself in.
First things first, communication is key. If you find yourself in these situations try talking it out with the individual, odds are they have no idea how debilitating these conversations have become for you. After all, they are simply coping through something themselves and feel better once they’ve gotten it off their chest. Just like in the above section, try mentioning that you would like to know what they expect from you in these conversations, is it a lending ear to hear them out, seeking different suggestions to try, or perhaps even your opinion on how you might solve their problem. This strategy helps not only the garbage magnet, but you as the audience, as well.
Another tactic to use is implementing healthy boundaries. Perhaps this is happening more often than you’d care to be a part of and you have already tried communicating with the individual about the issue at hand. It is not something you are required to discuss with someone else, regardless of who they are to you. Setting boundaries can be difficult and feel uncomfortable, however the more frequently you do this, the easier it will get. Here are a few examples for implementing conversational boundaries:
“I’d rather not discuss that that right now.”
“This is not a topic I feel comfortable talking about; can we choose something else?”
“I can tell you feel strongly about this. I respect that, however I’d like to ask you to find someone else to discuss it with.”
“Please don’t talk about [topic] in front of me.”
You probably read those and thought, “I don’t know about that, they seem kind of direct and harsh, it might upset someone if I said that”, but here’s the thing, boundaries aren’t meant for the other person in a situation, it’s all about YOU and what YOU need to feel comfortable. It’s no surprise that the above statements may upset somebody if being told them, but remember that these statements are firm yet still respectful. Meaning you aren’t being “mean” or even trying to hurt the other individual, you are simply discussing what you are willing and unwilling to discuss with them. You don’t have control over everything in your life, but the ability to have conversations and discuss certain topics is one that you do have a choice over.
Just like before, remember these are habits you have created over time, and breaking habits are uncomfortable. It takes time and willpower, but it is possible!
Hopefully this has been helpful for you, and we are so pleased that our reader reached out to us with this topic! If you have any questions or topic suggestions yourself, please don’t hesitate to reach out!
