Communication is Key
Hello readers, and welcome back! Today’s post will focus on the last component of our COVID series…communication. Though we can’t speak for everyone, we would assume it’s a safe bet that you have had struggles regarding communicating with others during this unprecedented time. There have been several strong emotions regarding the different angles of COVID and how it has affected each of us.
Difference of Opinion
It’s no secret that there are different opinions when it comes to COVID and the treatments, prevention methods, and overall understanding of the virus itself. However, this post isn’t about determining the right and wrong of each of these categories, but more so how to maneuver these tough conversations when you are communicating with someone who embodies a completely different, sometimes opposite, opinion.
It is hard to have discussions regarding the virus and all of the emotions it has evoked from each of us, but when it comes down to it, arguing over difference in opinion or belittling someone for not sharing the same views makes everything more difficult than it needs to be. Today we are going to provide you with a few techniques to utilize in these uncomfortable moments.
These techniques can be helpful when discussing COVID-related topics, but also in regular conversations you may have with friends, acquaintances, strangers and even loved ones within your life.
Active Listening
What is active listening? It seems straight forward from the words themselves, but applying this skill is easier said than done. Active listing is when you treat listening as an active process rather than a passive one. With active listening, you are actively participating in the conversation, rather than being just an audience. By actively listening, you will show the other that you are listening, encouraging that they share their opinion/information with you, and striving to understand where the other is coming from.
Show You’re Listening
In order to show that you’re listening to the other person in the conversation there are a couple of skills you can put in place.
Put away distractions
Use verbal and nonverbal communication
When you are watching TV, using your phone, or doing something else when listening to someone speak, it sends a message that the speaker’s words are not important. By putting away these distractions, it allows you to focus more on the conversation and allowing the speaker to feel heard.
Often times, we forget how much our body language can affect the conversations we are involved in. So remembering that the short verbal cues match the speaker’s affect can show interest and empathy. For example, responding excitedly if the speaker is excited, will allow the speaker to feel as though you understand.
Verbal examples: “mm-hmm/uh-huh”, “that’s interesting”, “that makes sense”, and “I understand”
Nonverbal examples: nodding in agreement, reacting to emotional content (e.g. smiling), and eye contact
Encourage Sharing
Once you’ve mastered the skill of showing the speaker that you’re listening, it’s time to move on to the next step of encouraging sharing. In order to encourage sharing, there are a few skills you can put in place.
Ask open-ended questions
Use reflections
Ensuring the use of open-ended questions allows the speaker to feel encouraged to elaborate, rather than just giving “yes” or “no” responses. These kinds of questions tells the speaker you are listening and want to learn more.
Open-ended sentence starters: “what is it like to ___”, how did you feel when ___”,”can you tell me more about ___”, “how do you ___”, “what do you like about ___”, and “what are your thoughts about”
Using reflections is another good habit to form when speaking with someone, this is when you summarize the speaker’s most important points. Make sure to include emotional content, even if it was only communicated through tone or body language.
For example, if the speaker says, “I’ve been having a hard time at work. There’s way too much to do and I can’t keep up. My boss is frustrated that everything isn’t done, but I can’t help it”, the listener can reflect on what the speaker said by saying, “It sounds like you’ve been doing your best to keep up, but there's too much work. That sounds stressful!”
Strive to Understand
Now that you have encouraged the speaker to share more information, you can move on to the skill of striving to understand what the speaker is saying, or where they are coming from. In order to try to understand, there are a few different skills you can try.
Be present
Listen with an open mind
Remember, being present means that you are paying attention to a variety of things, including body language, tone and verbal content. Try to focus your attention on listening, instead of other mental distractions like what you want to say next. When possible, attempt to save sensitive conversations for a quieter time with fewer distractions.
Finally, make sure you take an approach of trying to understand the speaker’s perspective, even if you don’t agree! Avoid forming opinions and making judgements until you can fully understand their perspective.
This is merely one approach to a healthy conversation, especially one where you and the speaker may not necessarily agree, but this is not the only approach.
Passive, Aggressive and Assertive Communication
When it comes to responding or discussing with someone who may not necessarily have the same opinion as you, there are three different kinds of communication tones you can use. By actively listening to the speaker during their turn to speak, paired with using an appropriate tone of communication, you are more likely to have a successful conversation.
Passive Communication
During this form of communication, a person is prioritizing the needs, wants and feelings of others, even at their own expense. The person will typically not express their own needs, or stand up for themselves. This will oftentimes lead to being taken advantage of, even by well-meaning people who are unaware of the passive communicator’s needs and wants. Some of the characteristics of a passive communicator include:
soft spoken/quiet
allowing others to take advantage
prioritizing needs of others
poor eye contact/looks down or away
does not express one’s own needs or wants
lack of confidence
Aggressive Communication
During this form of communication, a person expresses that only their needs, wants and feelings matter. The other person is typically bullied, and their needs are ignored. some of the characteristics of an aggressive communicator include:
easily frustrated
speaking in a loud or overbearing way
unwilling to compromise
use of criticism, humiliation and domination
frequently interrupting and not listening
being disrespectful toward others
Assertive Communication
This form of communication is when the importance of both peoples’ needs are apparent. During these conversations, a person stands up for their own needs, wants and feelings, but also listens to and respects the needs of others. Assertive communication can be defined by confidence and a willingness to compromise. Some characteristics of an assertive communicator include:
listening without interruption
clearly stating needs and wants
willing to compromise
standing up for own rights
displaying confident tone and body language
making good eye contact
This is the most efficient tone of communication to utilize in order for your conversation to be effective. This is the kind of communication we typically seek out, however it is not uncommon for you to be “stuck” in one of the other forms of communication.
Putting it Together
Hopefully, these techniques will help you to be more present during conversations, as well to play both roles of listener and speaker in a healthy and effective way. This is essential to form healthy communication skills and relationships with others.
Also, when discussing COVID-related matters, it is also important to remember that just because you may not agree with the speaker in your conversation, doesn’t mean you can’t have a healthy and informative conversation. In fact, by actively listening and using an assertive tone of communication, you are more likely to learn more about the opposite side of the conversation as well as keeping a relationship with someone who has an opposite perception of the situation.
Thank you so much for following along with our COVID-series! Hopefully you have gained insight into the different ways that trauma affects people, how the brain is affected by trauma, and the different changes that occur over time, as well as these communication skills. Though we would all love for COVID to disappear and never come back, it doesn’t look like this will be happening. Now that you have more knowledge on this topic, we hope that you will be able to maneuver the remainder of the pandemic in a more positive way.
